Bad burfday!
de worst in my 18 yrs..
i cried more den i smiled..

im at home now..
supposed to b in sch having lessons..
im sick n down wif inflammation n cough..
feeling miserable, terrible n sad n depressed n wadever..
but i've gotten mc coverage for 2 days..
im rellie sick, i hav to rely on pen n paper to convey my msg..
i dun feel like gettin well.
juz wanna ly in bed n slp n slp n dun do hmk..
mayb cos i juz had my medicine, n too drownsy now..
i need slp.. havn been sleeping well..

i miss sch..
i miss pingz..
i miss dada..

wish myself happie happie 18th burfday..
i wont cry anymore..
im goin for my nap now..




Today is a happie day!
the happiest day among de past 6 months...

but i cried wen i came home..
i was almost in tears wen im walking home,
but i forced myself to cont walking..
dun think of anything..

at least im happie today..
thanks for makng




我知道伤心不能改变什么
那么 让我诚实一点诚实
难免有不能控制的宣泄
只要关上了门 不必理谁
# 一个人坐在空荡包厢里面
手机 让它休息一夜难
像切歌切掉回忆的画面
眼泪不能不能流过十二点
* 生日快乐 我对自己说
蜡烛点了 寂寞亮了生日快乐
泪也融了 我要谢谢你给的你拿走的一切@
还爱你 带一点恨
还要时间 才能平衡热恋伤痕
幻灭重生 祝我生日快乐




Sometimes I've asked myself,
what would make me happy?
To think that I have everything else,
I get what I want.
Then I realized it was YOU,
too bad 'cause it's you i can't have.
I can't choose who I'm gonna love,
but I also can't just love who chooses to love me.
And you can't blame me in choosing to love you
as much as I can't blame you for not
learning to love me.
I'm sorry if you can't love me the way you
loved the one before me,
so I'll let you go find him/her
and hope someday you'll see that the one
true love you're looking for was the one who set you free.




hmm, sch for today has been de most interesting compared to de past few days..
surprisingly i woke up at 10. which i fell asleep only at 4 plus..
i felt lik im in another dimension sub cousciously bcos it isn rainin n yet i can hear de
tattin of rain against the floor tiles..
i was lying on bed, thinking who could i sms,
in de end, i listened to music instead..
josh groban, u raised me up..
dats peaceful enuf.
i forced myself to slp.. FINALLY.

now im at pingz hse..
juz released from sch.
for sports, a non sports cell gal lik me actually joined tennis..
wow..
clap clap pls..
hmm, today for my interdiscplinery module i got into another totally brand new class.
dere's a guy whom they say looks lik jay,
apparently i dun think so..
he's erm, friendly i guess..
did tok to him for a while n some other guys from jj..
realised he's yang sen kor fren..
n i got to know 2 of my swiss cottage junior wor..
haha.. n got to know many gals n guys from other courses too..
dat's really FUN! n we painted in class..
im gettin more n more excited bout sch now.. =)
wed i hav a lunch date.. haha..
wif my working fren who claimed dat he's shuai..
guess i sud recommend some babes for him den..
ok.. im a dirty kathie kat cos i din bathe..
but i did wen i woke up this morning.
n i hav absolutely no appetite. havn been eatin anything.
its to my advantage too cos im trying to shed my fats which r accumulating.
ok, its time to meet A51 for dinner..
bubbaiz my dear blog....
i miss u, i love u.. muahz..
take care my frens..
oh yah.. dal, kok, jackie,lai,amy
i love u guys.. *big hugz*
havn seen u guys for some time..
meet up meet up meet up!!!

i've learnt dat it take yrs to build up trust, but only seconds to destroy it.





Mindset diff betwn a guy and a girl...if only there's mutual understanding
Makes you think...you never know what the other person is thinking....
speak yourmind..KEEP IT REAL....

BOY: I saw her today
GIRL: I saw him today

BOY: It seems like its been forever
GIRL: I wonder if he still cares

BOY: She looks better than before
GIRL: I couldn't stop staring at him

BOY: I asked her how things were going
GIRL: I asked about his new girlfriend

BOY: I'd choose her over any girl im with
GIRL: He's probablly really happy right now

BOY: I couldnt look at her without startingtocry
GIRL: He couldnt even look at me

BOY: I told her I miss her
GIRL: He doesnt mean it

BOY: I meant it
GIRL: He didnt mean it

BOY: I love her
GIRL: He loves his new girlfriend

BOY: I held her for the last time
GIRL: He gave me a friendly hug

BOY: Then I went home and cried
GIRL: Then I went home and cried

BOY: I lost her
GIRL: I still love him

at this very minute~~
someone is thinking of you
someone cares about you.
someone misses you
someone wants to hold your hand.
someone wants you to be happy.
someone wants to hug you.
someone will do anything for you.
someone needs to know your love is unconditional.
someone wants to tell you how much theycare.
someone wants to stay up watching movies w/ you.
someone wants to hold you in their arms.
someone wants to see you.
someone wants to be your lover.
someone loves you for who you are.
someone loves the way you make themfeel.
someone wants to be with you.
someone wants you to know they are there foryou.
someone is glad that you're their friend.
someone is wishing you would noticethem.
someone wants to get to know you better.
someone loves you. alot.
*i love you




sch started for 4 days le..
and i havn revised yest lect..
argz, i feel so guilty..
ok i promise i'll definitely read it n understand it later..

sch has been a breeze.. attending lects onli.
its rather fun, how to say leh..
everyday get to c alot of ppl wif weird fashion n thinking..
its kind of unique anyway..
yah, i hav to pretend to b optimistic inorder to pretend to b happie..
but my classmates r really nice n friendly..
im beginning to like em..

well, its min shan's play tmr..
im so glad i'll b goin down to support her..
today went to cut my hair again,
its becoming thinner n thinner,
i guess its pretty light now.. haha

i really love my frens.





went shopping today wif js and fiona..
went to bugis to get some shopping done.
tmr hafta go sch le..
felt abit sad, not much ppl asked me.
but at least lai lai did msg me upon my new sch term tmr..
im so touched.. blow kisses for u.. muackx..

my lessons super slack for this week..
tue - 2pm-4pm
wed- 9pm-12pm
thur- 2pm-4pm
fri - 1pm-5pm

soon, it'll b holidays for u guys le.
A's coming too.
do rem to study hard oh.. =)
and ask me out for coffee too..

pingz stayed over on sat.. bitch n talk till 4 den slp..
we're rellie very talkative..
listen to my blog..
wish me happie burfday.
sad song..
rellie very sad..
guess on my burfday it'll b lidat too..
hmm, dun talk bout sad stuffs le..
promise min shan not to cry..

everyone smilex.. =)
*super big hug for u*
i LOVE you

anyway muz thanks my mummy for giving me 2 prezzies.
a goldheart diamond necklace dat i wanted
and a guess watch.. muackx..





The guy who love you ,
if he can't always see you,
he will try to make himself busy,
for not tohave any time to remember you,
because heknew,
if he did, he will keep on missing you
until he could do nothing.

The guy who love you, c
an't tell you the reason why he love you.
he only knew that, in his eyes,
you are the only one

The guy who love you,
seldom praise you , butinhis heart, y
ou are the best, only he know it,
The guy who love you,
will scold or complaint
ifyou din't reply his message
but others,becausehe cares.

The guy who love you ,
Only drop his tears infront of you,
when you try to wipe his tears,
you aretouching his heart ,
the heart which beat foryou.

The guy who love you ,
will remember every word u said ,
even its accidentally.
and he will use theword always at the nick of time.

The guy who love you,
will not give anypromisethat easily,
because they don't want to break thepromise,
they want you to believe him
and they want to give you the
happiest and safest lifeeverafter.

The guy who love you,
always tell you not tothinktoo much,
because they already plan it for you,
hewant to give u the best life in the future,
hewantto give you a suprise,
belive him that he cando it.

The guy who love you,
will go to airport to fetchyou,
he won't carry a bunch a rose and callyoudarling l
ike what you expect.
but he will carryyourludgage
and ask you
" why are you becoming that thin within two days?"
with his sincere heart.

The boy who love you,
will listen quietly to you,
when you are mad,
and when you finished,
hewillsaid, you still got class tomorrow,
sleepearlier .with smile.

The boy who love you,
don't know that whetherhe should
call you when you are angry,
but hewillsent a message to you after few hours,
if youaskhim why he call that late,
he will said, whenyouare angry,
my explanation are all rubbish.
Butwhen you calm down,
my explanation will onlyreally works.

The boy who love you,
always call you littlegirl,
but everytime he want to make a big decision,
hewill first want to hear your advice.

The guy who love you,
don't like little toy liketeddybear,
but he will always put the bear you gift himat his bed.

The guy who love you, while quarelling,
he willapologize uncontrollably,
althought you arethe onewho's wrong,
and later, he will sent amessage to you with
" baby, actually you know its yourfault,
you know it urself "

The guy who love you,
while really miss you,
hewill want to buy a bunch of rose
and wait youstupidly under your apartment.
but he neverknows ,
what he bought is daisy,
but doesn'tmatter,
because in his heart, that's roses.




just 4 more days and i have to start everything afresh again..
sch will begin..
i knew my classmates..
20 plus in my class wif 5 guys at least..
at least they're friendly..
n i believed i'll b de 6th guy..

n i c pretty gals..
not alot of guys thou..
but a relieved cos its time i settle down n focus on my studies..
i din want to make de same mistake..
regrettin not stying in sajc..
no point..
i created all these..
all these decisions lies in me..
de reasons dat made me left felt so ridiculous now..
i am de one inflicted these pain on myself..
i blame no one.

dere's a long weekend out dere..
i hope i can relax my last few days b4 de start of my new journey..
its going to b a long long journey..
i'll b leaving you, adapting to my new life..
immune to this feelings..
immune to all these loneliness.
i'll learn to forget..
i'll learn to be happy again.
i forgot how happiness should be like.
i believe one day i really can b de real me again..
i dun have to act, no more pretending..
ms's performance is next fri..
i'll b dere my dear gal..
n i miss my classmates..
muackx..
u're all de best ppl i ever met..




had a game of badminton at cck sports hall again.
again im late, cos i woke up late, cos i slept late.

had a nice lunch wif kok hsien, and returned home to bathe

went out again to meet min shan, jie shan and fiona.
watched house of wax 2nd time.

im not scared. not afraid anymore.
the cinema suddenly became so strange to me.

so unfamiliar.
so uncomfortable.
so uneasy.

i've been forcing myself.
pretending to b wad im not..

this time i need someone to hug and cry..
dat everything will flow wif de tears n go away.
i dun wan to dream anymore.
now im so afraid to slp.
n im so afraid to wake up,
i rather stay in de dream forever..
once i slp, i nv wished to wake up.
wen im awake, im afraid to slp.
why is this still happening to me?
will this feeling pls go away?
i really dun wan to feel it again.
it hurts everytime..
i felt so useless, i cant do anything..
typing out de msg n deleting it again.
i just want to be there.

i have a wish..
will it ever come true?





我记得那时候 你不让我牵你的手
激动得我快疯 像掉进一个无底的洞
苦笑都带点痛 自从你什么都不留给我追究
躲在我的背后 亲手用温柔交换的这一场恶梦
oh baby why would you hurt me so long?
hurt me so long
这一个人不该是我
oh baby why would you hurt me so long?
please let me know
难过是你留给我的线索 莫非我的举动
成了你的苦衷 才暗示我的所有
你宁愿没有经过 爱预付得太多
不是没有想过 最愚笨的会是我




yupz yupz, i finally bot my giordano junior jacket..
de largest size i can find.
n i find out dat i look pretty cute wen im in it.. haha.. *winkz
went to eat ramen at far east..
its super spicy, but i love it!
tom yam chicken ramen.. yayz..
saw some ppl today..
but i noticed de gals most of de times...
saw XL, but she din c me cos i hid into a corner..
she's wearin a tube n shorts..
i find it a weird combination..
nahz, anyw i din wan her to c me either..
i wont know wad to say n react..
i nearly got a shocked of my life..
i saw this guy who looked so familiar..
now i understand jie fang's feelings..
its really very very bad..
i hope i wont get into such circumstances..
met pingz after dat....
went to causeway point to walk ard n eat..
i've got lots of things i wan to buy.
clothes,accessories,glasses,
it all adds up to a new look yah..
i wan a new look..
kat will start everything over again..
sch is startin in 1 weeks time..
im rather excited yet im scared.
i know i'll b a little anti social..
dats de way im..
anyw, i've got my new lappy le..
n im so happie~ =)
made some frens recently n realised they all had problems..
i really sud do my best to help em..
i dun even know how to help myself..
but im trying very very hard now.
n im very happie wif myself..
all de decisions i've made..
juz a few little parts which changed de whole me.
or else i'll still b in sajc..
its ok, its all right..
i'll not mull over it anymore..
i love myself.. i love my frens..
most of all, i love you..
take care all my frens..
muackx.
hols coming le, do rem to ask me out to study n oso to play k! =)




ayaz. tmr is finally my off day.
but nobody free to pei me hav fun..
yuckz.. y is everyone so bz..
soon, i'll b very busy too..
watched house of wax.. NICE!!

LUCKILY, wai cheng is gonna pei me go out tmr..
haha..
i know im crazy..
u bet i m..
but im not terrifying lik u guys say ok.
im still a normal person..
listen to the song HURT..
its nice.. thou its sad..




lemme recall where i went yest..
yupz. i went to cheenatown..
to hav de nice chicken rice + fish+ veggies
im so healthy..
but its raining heavily.
me n pingz still went shopping in de big heavy rainz.
duhz. 2 dumb pigx.
took bus back to cck, our fav hangout after dat..
din ate anything else cos we're too full..

went to west mall to meet pingz today..
den ate mac.
and took a dumb bus 106 to suntec city
found out dat we're lost and had to change bus.
took 97 back to je interchange n took bus to ten mile.
ate de "tastiest" carrot cake in my life..
practically onli eating de eggs.
went back home..
but i love this kind of life!
cos i love pingz.
i love myself..

i suddenly realise dat poly life is starting very soon for me.
counting down in 2 weeks time..
im gonna get myself some glasses.
to make myself look nerdy and yet chic..=D
b4 dat, im gonna wear de sajc sch uniform,
take my pic, and contrast it wif de new look im gonna to hav.
i think i'll b super nerdy..
i'll b hiding in de toilets..
pls help me..
i cant wait to turn 18..
wen i can juz walk into 7-11 and buy drinks legally.
i hope somebody could juz grant me one wish..
one would b enough.. REALLY..
but i know im not in fairy land..
nobody lives happily ever after..






Im really pon queen liao..
Always managed to skip all kinds of thingy, including the camp.
Dere r juz too many ppl lah.
AND I went to ms’s hse instead.
Disturb her for de nite..
Im sorry..
At least I sent her halfway to sch..
Went home to get my swimming costumes.
Aha I looked damn cutez in dat.. [ugly]
Wanted to go gym n swimming.
But the stadium was closed.
All stadiums closed till 230 pm I think.
And so me n dal walked from woodlands to cck.
We took ard 3 hours plus to walk.
And im super tire by den.
But still we swam for 1 hr.. and took de slide.
Havn been sleeping much for the past few days my eye bags r real heavy.
Im going to slp soon..
Damn tire la!
N im oso very angry..
Angry angry angry.. =(
Lucky got pingz pei me to bitch..
Thanks for ur time..




Had a great camp!
Went to east coast park for camping! Yayz..
Had a lot of bbq food, im getting fatter..
I din learn how to play bridge but instead I stayed to talk wif dal dal
Till ard 3 plus den we went to ly ard at the ponchos
And to listen to radios and to talked..
I had a great time sleeping from 530 to 7..
Haha n I had fun wif u guys..
I wanna organise st john island camp!
I love you!
Pingz, daldal, hsien, jackie, laiz laiz, amy~
Muackx..
After dat went to meet up wif my class to celebrate min shan’s burfday..
Ahha. Walked ard orchard..
Tot there would b more ppl.
Turned out to b gals’ talk and more shopping.
Bumped into tonnes of ppl in town..
Ate crystal jade at lido.
And jie fang,bishi,min shan, sharon, meng hui n me went to bp.
Drank 3 bottles of vodka in 1 day..
My face is super red..
But dun worry, we’re not drunk..
We’re juz too troubled..
Women alwiz troubled by such things.
Had to trash things out..
Forget everything drowning our sorrows by drinking.
Bad for health lah..
We wont do it again..
It doesn seem like a celebration anyway.
Sorry min shan.
And last but not least happie burfday..
U still owe me a talk..
I’ll find time for u..
Love u.. muackx……….

Had so much things to do, so much things to say..
Really.

bold italics underline



please.



tagboard. cbox recommended.

03/01/2004 - 04/01/2004
04/01/2004 - 05/01/2004
06/01/2004 - 07/01/2004
07/01/2004 - 08/01/2004
08/01/2004 - 09/01/2004
09/01/2004 - 10/01/2004
10/01/2004 - 11/01/2004
11/01/2004 - 12/01/2004
12/01/2004 - 01/01/2005
01/01/2005 - 02/01/2005
02/01/2005 - 03/01/2005
03/01/2005 - 04/01/2005
04/01/2005 - 05/01/2005
05/01/2005 - 06/01/2005
06/01/2005 - 07/01/2005
07/01/2005 - 08/01/2005
08/01/2005 - 09/01/2005
09/01/2005 - 10/01/2005
10/01/2005 - 11/01/2005
11/01/2005 - 12/01/2005
12/01/2005 - 01/01/2006
05/01/2006 - 06/01/2006
08/01/2006 - 09/01/2006


x x x x