Someone said... "Wallets are a lot like girls. You really have to take good care of, because if you won't, something might happen"... I know what he means. I just lost a wallet, and I just lost a girl. You know, it's the exact same thing. One day, you just realize it's gone. You try to look for it everywhere, even going back to the places where you could have lost it. You think, and you think hard, only to come upon a grim realization: it's really gone. Of course, you can hold on to some hope. After all, there have been some very, very lucky (blessed?) people who get it back. Perhaps you could become one of those people. You sit home and you hope that someone would call, and that you would get it back. But then, some time passes, and you realize that it's still gone, and you realize that it's time to let go. The first few days, you turn to your friends for support. Some tell you you'll be ok, some tell you that it was your fault and that you should have been more careful, and some tell you about their own experiences. They give you all sorts of advice, none you haven't heard before. You then go out to find a new wallet, only to realize that you don't really want a new one. You want the old one that you lost. No, you don't want all these better-looking wallets, you want yours, because of how comfortable it is, because of all the cards and pictures and other stuff in it. You go out and carry on without a wallet, keeping your money in your pocket instead. You throw away stuff that you would have held on to if you had your old wallet. And then, finally, you find a new wallet you like and settle in. You then start filling your new wallet, little by little. It still doesn't feel as comfortable as the old one, but it's getting there. Then you start putting in cards and pictures and other important stuff in the wallet. Soon enough, there's as much stuff in your new wallet as the old one. And then, after some time, you feel as comfortable with your new wallet. And then you realize that you've almost forgotten you ever had your old wallet. Sure, you still remember most of the stuff you lost on that wallet. But then again, you don't remember the feeling of hurt that you felt when you lost it. That's because that wallet you lost is no longer your wallet. You're no longer holding on. This new wallet you're holding, it has all the important cards and pictures and stuff that you need. This is your wallet. And this time, you tell yourself, you're never losing this one.


Is this true?Why is it so hard to come true? Why is it so hard for me to believe? Why am i still hoping for the impossible? i've tot of something today.. juz gime 1 more month. 1 more month to behave this way.. or rather, less den 1 month.. i'll let u know my decision.. mean while, please let me hav my way. ok? juz let me behave in this childish lik behaviour for another one more month and katherine wouldn be the same katherine anymore.. Juz promise me u'll let me do wadever i wan on dat day.thanks.. i love u.





i think im gonna cry again tonight.. the stupid dramas brought memories back..louis told me something. its very hard for a guy to love a gal again. i believe him.. dat's y u go away i know..





飞机已离开机场 你选择了前往你的方向
不再迷惘 忘了我们爱的过往 忘了我给你的伤
学会坚强 从前的我不懂你牺牲多大 为我失去朋友不讲
还放弃了所有梦想 觉得没怎样 不会将心比心去想 让你慢慢慢慢失去了希望能不能够再给我机会好好的爱你 我会仔细的聆听 你对我说的一言一语
我会学会去控制脾气不让你伤心 对你好好的去珍惜
请你相信我的心还是爱你 我想再重来一次 回到过去弥补你的伤 没那种事
怎么做才能够停止 后悔竟伤你如此 不再放肆 为何总到失去才懂的难过
当你在我身边的时候 总是为我默默守候都是为我的错 错过这难得的拥有
就让你爱我的心慢慢溜走 能不能够再给我机会好好的爱你 我会仔细的聆听 你对我说的一言一语 我会学会去控制脾气不让你伤心 对你好好的去珍惜
请你相信我的心还是爱你





i juz reached home not so long ago.met up wif dal kok pingz and jackie to celebrate dal's burfadae.its such a fun and enjoyable day. we had a sumptous meal of pizza and other stuffs. stuff crusts and pan pizza.. everything dat's nice! made me so full, havn been having so much food for so many days in a row le.. arh! i need to diet le.hmm juz now we went to the park and took lots of photos today. can go pingz web community to c oh. and i gonna post some onto my friendster as soon as i get them k? haha laiz dun b jealous.. u din pick up our call leh! i din c u for a long time le.. miss u so much! anyway, today we saw brian lim jia qing and TCS at jp today.. such a coincidence.. but anyway, din rellie wish to c brian lah.. such a shocked to c him down the escalator.. oopx.. we hd so much fun today. posing for comical ghost comic strip wif me as the ghost.. mua hahaha.. and dat jackie kp askin me to do stupid posts.. b4 dat we went to lot1 library mah, and we took photos of us readin wor.. look so studious.. hmm.. tmr is gonna b a tiring day, gotta help my dad b "cashier" cos he'll b needing some help. den mayb i mite get some tan too. heh.. hmm juz overheard my ma say i hafta go for a jab on monday.. for prevention purpose.. im afraid of needles.. i dun wan any doc to poke dat strange looking sharp thingy into my skin.. i dun wan.. *sObX* im scared! i dun wan any doc.. hELp~ i hate being sick.. i dun wan any of u to fall sickz.. rellie dun wan..





hmm, its noon time le. i juz woke up not long ago and watching hai tun wan lian ren. so nice! but din make me cry lah.. im numbed to crying le, well, dat's beside the point of wad i wanna say. yay gonna meet up wif dal kok and pingz later, to celebrate dal's burfday! i got stupid gastric again. dunno wad's wrong wif my body. yest went to lunch wif my mama den suddenly gastric, den i tell her le kanna scolded. so young already gastric, next time old liao worse. den recently hav difficulty in breathing and my heart seems lik its wrenching, very pain lidat, lik suddenly cant breathe properly. argz.. my ma is gonna drag me to the doc le.cos im alwiz breaking out in cold sweat and my hands kps sweating, and the doc says my heart is weak.. wad stupid nonsense? i dun care. im still gonna enjoy life eating my chocz, esp kit kat!(got meaning de oh)
yst meet min shan for lunch at jec and gossip wif her, haha got to know another news le! super duper excited, cant help smiling and smiling. anyway, sharon and min shan, im not suffering from any depression as u've said it, im perfectly fine ok? dont i look happie to u? haha..den eat until halfway bof of us oso stomachache, den min shan go toilet to bian bian.. den we went ard to look for cds.. wanted to buy B.A.D de cd de. but its sold out. so i "encouraged" min shan to buy David tao's cd.. gonna hunt for B.A.D's cd soon le. and i oso bought tao Ze's cd for myself. i oni lik one song, i listen and listen till i fell asleep. yup and i went to chinatown to meet up wif my class for dat treasure hunt. and we bluf the teacher dat im leon's sis.. and she actually believe lah, and say our eyes look alike. omg.. so i gotta call him kor le.. but who knows, my chinese teacher saw me and spoil everything. haha.. ppl actualy still tot dat im Lucas's sis wor. we rellie look so alik? i still got his pic wif me wen we took it during first 3 months. hmm den after dat stupid treasure hunt under dat hot scorching sun. we were so famished, so me, pingz, wantingz,sharon, leon and smily went to"Yum Cha" haha the restaurant lik so posh lidat, the ppl dere all dresses until very nice de. and we drank lik so many pots of tea.. Smily is a tea bucket! alwiz had to help him refill his tea de. and we had lotsa good stuffs dere. all kinds of dian xin , b it fried or steamed or wadeva. its so delicious. den ting and smily go watch movie le and we 3 gers wnt to take bus home le.. but i gotta go to my grandma hse to teach 2 little imps their homework lah, so troublesome. but nvm, it is meaningful? or rather juz a little help lidat is appreciated. i went late cos i was gossiping wif pingz at the bus stop and missed 2 buses. haha we are the Pontan Queens leh.actually my cousins are quite cute la, thou they are very violent! bof boys so notti and playful de. if my kids grow up to b lidat i'll faint. but at least they still played wif me, their cute cousin, haha.. feel so old.Its so nice to feel dat u're appreciated of some gestures unlik some things, even wen u sacrificed, and went all out to do it, the other party still feels it's irritating. i din know im such an irritating ass.im refraining myself from such acts again.i juz wanna b myself! i love katherine~ muackx.. no one else can hurt me anymore.. not unless its YOU.. im coming up wif a protective layer of wisp smoke to keep myself from being hurt again by others.. Bleahz. m i crazy??? okiz. gotta lunch wif my dearest piggyz ma le, she juz woke up and its nearing 1 pm now. im having bRunCh i supposed. no wonder i hav gastric.. *sMilEx and hUgX*





i wont give up, but i wont insist either.im out of my job for good. gonna rest till the new yr and take a clean break before comeing back to sg and living a brand new life. today got my ma to pass cheryl to help me go apply for course le. c if i can get a place not den i can oso shun bian apply for the bursary too. haha. i wonder wad m i gonna do for the rest of the time. well, im craving for movies. i havn been to one for a very very long time. but i misseed the usual way i watch movie. will it still b the same watching it alone? i nv tried b4 and i din wan to. i wanna watch ' meet the fockers' anyone interested? im free. pls hurry if u wanna watch too k?if not, its movies alone for me. i miss new yr! its coming soon. i wanna wear all my new clothes and look pretty and nice. i wanna eat all the good things dat comes ard, cos i know something good is gonna happen, right?hmm, all my frens are bz, i cant blame them, they hav too many things and work on their hands to handle dat they cant spend time.. anyway, its dal dal bdae tmr! i love dal dal. HAPPIE BURFDAE my dear fren!! muackz.. i love u. we'll meet up and celebrate k? u'll b the first among us to turn 18! can learn to drive le! yay.. we can clubbing le.. yay.. oopx. and we'll cont to celebrate our yearly mid autumn festival k? wahaha.. im lookin forward.. im crazy im mad..i dun wanna know the hurt of u leaving me..i love richie ren's songs. they're super nice lah~ love listening to em. he is so mature.i juz wan to tell the world how good u r! i wanna let the whole world know! lalalalala.. im not suffering from depression u know.. juz some sort of illness dunno y im feeling super duper happie. juz dun think of anything else. look at myself and smilez.. think think think think.. treasure everyone.. think positively.. think in depth, put urself in others shoes. spare a tot for everyone, juz show a little care and concern and u'll brighten up everyone's day, even if its juz one person. its worth it. or simply smile at everyone, u nv know wad they're thinking and definitely show em u care! it feels so nice to know dat these little gesture are greatly appreciated.. dat's most impt.. others happie, im super happie! gonna sing a burfdae song for dal dal first.. happie burfday to u, happie burfday to u, happie burfdae hapie burfday, happie burfdae to u, my dearest darling sweetie. i love u so much! happie 18th burfdae!!





eh lo.. kathie kathie here. today took leave again! i think my leader muz b angry wif me le ba, but she seems quite nice.today the night shift ppl lost one phone and they got retained. and haha, today while at work, some guy came and tell me i look lik a japanese. i was lik, er, oni u think i look lik one for all my life. he's weird. and tmr is blue day for our line. yay! and i went to meet jackie for lunch at causeway for burger king. its been a few donkey yrs since i last ate it. and the burger is duper big! made me dig all the lettuce out for jackie. and dat dumb auntie came over to tell me. "xiao mei ar, wo gao shu ni, nu hai zo yao chi cai cai hui mei ar" so she hinting i very ugly lah! sob sobz. den we went to rebond my ugly hair~ went to the salon jackie's ma patronised and initially is a lady do it for me, den suddenly one big uncle volunteered to rebond my hair. argz.. damn pain lah. and i sat dere for lik nearin 5 hrs flippin thru all the mags i can find.. damn bored. my butt hurts.den wen we past by marsiling, he told me louis worked dere, so after my rebondong session i went to visit kor. and tok wif him for a while, his uncle opens a shop dere ma, so he's working dere at the moment. and talk till ard 7 plus he's so bz to entertain me dat i wanted to go home. and suddenly juz outside i bump into my dear yang sen kor and marc!they juz came back from sch mah.. so i walked wif them to the bus stop which is a long distance and we took photos, or rather, i forced em to take foto in the middle of the road path, haha, they both look so pai seh. and they say my hair looks weird! argz.. den marc walk me to the bus stop and i went home le.. yangsen is so nice, he sms me to ask if i reached home safely.. so nice to hav a kor.. if oni i hav one whom is biological de. dat'll b rellie nice. i've been hopin, but i cant turn back time.. choc remedy doesn helps anymore. it juz acts lik an anesthetic which lasts a while and the pain will jux come back.. min shan says im suffering from depression.. no, im not.. im juz suffering from mental disorder.. i dun wan any tom, dick, harry, pls go away.. i dun need pity or anything else.. i juz need myself.. whom do i love the most now? myself. not goin to hurt myself anymore..by eating so many chocs juz to make myself happie. im turning FAT. and its real FAT i mean..muackz.. my dear.





wish everyone happie long weekend! but for me, i still hafta work lah.. but work is slack cos dere's nothin to do and we're merely spending out time gossipping ard. today im off work super early. at 4pm release lo.den me and jie sung went to bp plaza to meet sharon and to fill our stomachs and for js to cut her long silky black hair.anyway, while we're on the bus, we ran into jinnie! i miss u so much~ its been a long long time since i last saw u. still rem the times wen we went to airport to send him off overseas and now he's back to hav a a holiday. and heh, me and winnie still cried and hug him. oopx.yah, he's back, and he's grown to b more westernized? he says he's gonna rent an apartment and live. hmm im thinking of goin over. haha. den i can live wif him, den he can bring me ard and stuffs. its fun to live wif frens. thou he's a guy.. but he's a nice one.. haha.. thinking of the life dere. thou there wont b families and my closest frens ard me.. but i get a new environment and my freedom. my life.w/o any stress no pressure, no worries, no more crying. yay~ but if i go australia, my daddy cant go. he's blacklisted by the government. sobz.argz.. im dying to go away. to c everything dere. to take a break from all things in singapore. i hate ppl who spread rumours, i hate ppl who betray their friends, i hate ppl who lack the courage to face up to reality, i hate ppl who doesn face up to their feelings and hide away from things, i hate liars. i hate u.. in fact, i hate myself the most..






im rellie not feeling happie.i kinda had to adjust to my new life.i dun wan this kind of life for the rest of my life.i hate myself for doin this. for being born into this world.im alwix hurting myself. i feel so stupid doin it.wen will i oni meet wif a miracle?i tot beta things are on their way? i cant wait. i hate waiting! y do humans hav to spend almost half of their life waiting. b it for buses, results, travelling time etc..waiting is not a choice..no one waits wad so ever. no one is given a 2nd chance.y is life alwiz lidat? y do ppl oni learn it wen they learn a hard lesson. they nv get a chance to turn back..no more heading back to the past. it'l oni remain as memories linking happiness and sadness all together.. making ppl cry.





wanna watch stars, everynight wen i walk home i look at the stars. no one to share the shining twinkle stars above me. the feeling is miserable. i hate that kind of feeling. i rellie hate so. i love the cool breeze blowing against my cheeks wif u beside me.. its been a very long time since i last experienced dat.Even if its juz siting at the bus stops waiting for all the buses to pass by without any destination in mind, or juz hving u beside me.i dream of u again. continuosly for the past few weeks, i still rem them wen i wake up, and quickly wrote them in my diary, for fear i'll forget.i wanna dig a hole, i wanna go to a faraway place. i dun wanna face the world anymore. no one understands. no one listens like u do. no one cares. no one bothers.no one understands lik u do. wad are u thinking of? u're ever changing.i rather slp for the rest of my life, nv to wake up so dat my dreams continue forever.for ever and ever..y are u doing this to me? dat kind of anxiety, dat kind of fear, dat kind of torture.. i onli need u to bring me out of the forest. no one else can.





Kathie is feeling sickz.im havin headache and feeling terrible.
im goin to bed now,cant take it le.. nitez.. i Love u!





this is the 5th day at work? since jackie ask me to post, i shall start posting.i've been busy at work from morning to evening. but since no one ask me out, so everyday after work, i'll head home for my home cooked dinner and television. wad else to do alone? well, basically, speaking bout my work, im helping to pack handphones. which is motorola de. i handle thousands of phones everyday heh. but i think the phones look rather ugly. juz pack everyday and time will juz go past very fast. AND im used to slack and stone during work. the work is ver slow so, i got tonnes of time to stone and think of lots of things.i've no mood to come online cos there's nothin for me to look forward to, so i rather pin my tots down in my diary. heh. jackie oh, miss me lots?

Anyway, i tell u guys my workplace the ppl are rellie very nice.got alot of gals and oni 4 guys. of whom one is a thai? 2 from hill grove sec, one who is richard lookalike, and the other is from west wood de.And the gals are super enthu and friendly, so easy to hit it off wif em.i rellie think they're nice ppl.but i rellie think god is being super unfair to me.. send a lookalik for me. made me stone everyday. lucky i've learnt to know myself well enough to know wad is it dat i rellie wants and my feelings..hmm im thinking of getting off next week. to pei my friends. i dun wan to lose ppl again because of work. once bitten, twice shy. i dun wan to repeat my mistake.. and u guys, if u're free can meet after my work de, thou it'll b quite late? meet for dinner? i'll b released at 730, and i can get to jec by 8.
Im feeling less pressurized, buti dun understand my life. i feel im out of place again.i seriously honestly want to dig a very nice and big hole in the ground wif a nice palace and live happily wif u ever after.. im dreaming afterall.
my whole hands and fingers are plastered lah..i've to wrap the phone everyday and the cardboard is killing me. wen i fold the box i c blood on the box. and to my realisation dat im bleeding. hmm i guess external bleeding doesn hurts as much as internal ones.My ma and pa will say y so careless as to hurt myself. lucky the guys dere are rellie nice enuf to help me wif my work.heh, but they too cut their hands. our whole line of production cut our hands. i feel so hurt for them.juz pray they'll b all right.
im thinking so much during my work..and the leader alwiz scolds us de. but we'll get by it..
im super happie today dat i flew down the stairs. cos i received an sms from someone at 6:07pm. i nearly rolled down the stairs and no one can figure out y i smiling lik crazy to myself.*gRinz
im so happie dat im flying.now i realise even such a small action can send me to the sky while some actions can juz made me feel lik dying.im hoping i can hav a sweet dream tonight again. i had one on monday.. as the chinese saying goes, ri you suo si, ye you suo meng. *gRiNZ
ok, gtg sleep le.im still waiting. i love u my friends. muackz.
im waiting for a miracle? I love u! i feel lik shouting to the world.





Right here waiting....

Oceans apart day after day
And I slowly go insane
I hear your voice on the line
But it doesn't stop the pain

If I see you next to never
How can we say forever

# Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you

I took for granted, all the times
That I thought would last somehow
I hear the laughter, I taste the tears

But I can't get near you now
* Oh, can't you see it baby
You've got me goin' crazy
Repeat #

I wonder how we can survive This romance
But in the end if I'm with you
I'll take the chance

Repeat *
Repeat #





After some time I've finally made up my mind
she is the girl and I really want to make her mine
I'm searching everywhere to find her again
to tell her I love her
and I'm sorry 'bout the things I've done I find her standing in front of the church
the only place in town where I didn't search
She looks so happy in her weddingdress
but she's crying while she's saying this Chorus:Boy I've missed your kisses all the time but this is
twentyfive minutes too late
Though you travelled so far boy I'm sorry your are
twentyfive minutes too late
Against the wind I'm going home again
wishing me back to the time when we were more than friends
But still I see her in front of the church
the only place in town where I didn't search
She looked so happy in her weddingdress
but she cryed while she was saying this
Chorus: Boy I've missed your kisses all the time but this is
twentyfive minutes too late
Though you travelled so far boy I'm sorry your are
twentyfive minutes too late Out in the streets
places where hungry hearts have nothing to eat
inside my head
still I can hear the words she said
Chorus:Boy I've missed your kisses all the time but this is
twentyfive minutes too late
Though you travelled so far boy I'm sorry your are
twentyfive minutes too late
I can still hear her say.......





Baby won't you tell me why there is sadness in your eyes
I don't wanna say goodbye to you
Love is one big illusion I should try to forget
but there is something left in my head
You're the one who set it up now you're the one to make it stop
I'm the one who's feeling lost right now
Now you want me to forget every little thing you said
but there is something left in my head
I won't forget the way you're kissing
The feeling's so strong were lasting for so long
But I'm not the man your heart is missing
That's why you go away I know
You were never satisfied no matter how I tried
now you wanna say goodbye to me
Love is one big illusion I should try to forget
but there is something left in my head
I won't forget the way you're kissing
The feeling's so strong were lasting for so long
But I'm not the man your heart is missing
That's why you go away i know
Sitting here all alone in the middle of nowhere
Don't know which way to go
There ain't so much to say now between us
There ain't so much for you
There aint't so much for me anymore





他还是不懂
曲：王志平 词：徐世珍 编：

要说什么 杯子都已经空了
闭上眼睛心里下起大雪天寒地冻 是不是到了
爱情结帐的时候只剩下各自买单的寂寞
为什么当我推开门 他没有来拉住我
他还不懂 还是不懂 离开是想要被挽留
如果开口那只是 我要来的温柔
他还不懂 永远不懂 一个拥抱能代替所有
爱绝对能够动摇我
要用什么融化这一片沉默 在四周的冷空气里叹息化成烟飘走
过去的种种 在心里滚成雪球怕还没说话 泪就会先流
爱不是他给得不多 是不知道我要什么
他还不懂还是不懂 离开是想要被挽留
如果开口那只是 我要来的温柔
他还不懂永远不懂 一个拥抱能代替所有 爱绝对能够动摇我
都是背了太多的心愿 流星才会跌的那么重 爱太多 心也有坠毁的时候
他还不懂 还是不懂 离开是想要被挽留
如果开口那只是 我要来的温柔他还不懂
永远不懂 一个拥抱能代替所有爱绝对能够动摇我 在第一时间拯救我





Never Mind
曲：左安安 词：黄伟文 编：
说也奇怪 这些年来 不明白 我如何 忍受过来
一场期待 一片空白 人的心 就是这样狠起来
我们的恋爱 如果不失败 我们怎幺会有这幺成功的分开
Never mind you just go away
你以为 我一定后悔
已经有了 最坏的准备 走了这步 就举手不回
Never mind you just go away
你以为 我就会流泪我会不会(如果我不会) 你配不配(你会不会)
免强相爱 就像骨牌 守不住 倒不如 倒的精采
lt's okay l'm okay 我不用你陪
你不要误会我只是有点累 却没时间崩溃





原曲作者：陶 原曲作詞：
陶 歌詞提供：@TeddyBoey@

等待　我隨時隨地在等待　做你感情上的依賴
我沒有任何的疑問　這是愛 我猜　
你早就想要說明白 我覺得自己好失敗　
從天堂掉落到深淵 多無奈　
我願意改變（what can I do?）
重新再來一遍（just give me chance）
我無法只是普通朋友　感情已那麼深　叫我怎麼能收手
但你說 I only want to be your friend
做個朋友
我猜妳心中只是 just a friend 不是情人
我感激妳對我這樣的坦白　
但我給你的愛暫時收不回來

So I 我不能只是 be your friend I just can't be your friend no,no,no,
我不能只是做你的朋友 不能只是做普通朋友






today i went back to sajc. to hand in my withdrawal form. BUT i still hav one more giro form to fill. which means i hav to go back sajc AGAIN. this made me happie and SAD at the same time. i shant illustrate more.and i bought flowers for my dearest classmates. i bought daisiest for them. this is the first time i bought flowers for ppl. Sorry my dear jackie i din get any for u. i promise i'll get blue rose for u k?hmm went back to sch to eat, talk, rot and take pics and gossip wif Mr ho. he's super nice lah.. wen he ask the class who's the 1st aid rep and he knows its me, his face suddenly become lik quite sad de.. i'll miss him de. he's such a nice teacher. received a few comments from ppl. some ppl say i look ah lian lah. i seriously swear i din wanna look lik dat oso. im so worried dat i asked everyone ard me. haiz. den afterdat went queens way wif jie sung, sharon, and min shan.went to walk ard to look for a bag i wanted and prezzie for js's sis. but cant find any nice looking de. so we went to mac to talk.. den talk awhile oni, its quite late le and they gotta go home to study le.. so, we went to take bus. but seriously i dun feel lik goin home. so i accompanied min shan home and cont talking wif her. We talked alot on the bus. And we reached her home. and she came out to pei me talk as we sat outside her hse. and talked and talked till 8 plus den my mama called le.gotta go home. but seriously, i had a nice talk wif min shan lah.. A very nice talk. but we wont c each other again so soon i think, u muz take care of urself k? i rellie love u guys lots.den after dat i went back home. thinking if i'l bump into jing long.and goodness gracious me, nv in the wolrd m i so accurate. cos they alwiz end training ard dat time. and wen i step into the carriage and c him in the same carriage, i was STUNNED!!!!! i practically felt lik getting out of the train.we din talked. i guess we both muz hav felt awkward? hmm and i reach home at 9 plus..oni to find no one at home.. i hav no appetite! yuckz.. anyway, im worried bout pingz, she seems troubled.. pingz pingz.. need my advice come ask me k? i'll help u no matter wad de.. i miss u lots gerz, hope i'll c u soon.. muackz..





hmm.. today is getting beta le.i know i still got many friends ard me who cares.. even in the night. and i actually talked on the phone wif mingkai all the way till 6 am.. oh oh..and dat makes me rellie very tire..cos i havn been having relie nice slp these few days.. and den we bof went to slp le.. and i gotta wake up at 10 to get ready to go poly. my new life! i was very perturbed wen i first entered. i wanted to leave immediately..the ppl dere are lik ants.. and dere are so many of em.but slowly. wen i entered the lect things became a whole lot more beta..js's frens are very friendly and warm, and the lect is kinda interesting thou. cos students get alot of freedom.and there's these few guys sitting behind us making so much noises and talking so loudly.. and even asked tissues from me.and js was shocked wen i pass it to em.. kp asking me how in the world so fast i know em. she's crazy lah. i dunno em. they juz ask for a favour! im oni being kind hor..and the students dere are kinda nice thou, and we almost lost our way.. cos the campus is so big! and guys are luffing at us lah.dunno wad is so funie.hmm and guess wad? i bumped into fazli at the crossing.. omg, i miss him so much! i think i gonna c him real soon.. and talked.. we talked quite abit during our sec sch times..den after dat went to town to meet my dearest and sweetest jackie and pingz pingz. jackie went to cut hair mah.. but the hairdresser so gan chiong, cut so fast. lik machine gun.. some parts left out le..den pingz pingz came, and her leg was blistered.. oh gosh. upon seeing her bloody blister, i feel so hurt for her. WEI pingz im not les ok.i guess it relie mux hav hurt her alot, she so skinny lah. and guess wad. pings pings became so heavy lah. wad u eat huh? STONE OR ROCKS?? hmm den we 3 were super hungry i havn eaten the whole day. and my first meal was at 4pm. gosh.. and we had thai food! its super nice! tom yam seafood soup, bean curd, and baby kai lan! its very nice lah. and im so full. they gave so much rice..as if i can store so much rice.. den after dat i felt so cold lah. and we get away from town, and missed lik dunno how many dozens 190.. whose fault? den we go Bp plaza to walk and eat again, and guess who we saw/ melvyn tay kian kiong and a ger from band de.. i know her, she's my pri sch fren. wondering wad's the bof of them doin tog at the plaza.. hmm im rellie curious..anyway. after dat i juz came back home le.. and i walked dat stretch of path i had to get home, the path i walked wen i had to get home from sch.. it felt so familiar and yet so unreachable.. haiz.. i sudn b thinking boutall these again.. dere are too much problems for me to worry bout. i juz hav to worry how m i goin to face the sch tmr.. can i do it? can i step into it? do i hav the courage to do it? no. im a coward... but hu cares.. i wanna avoid running into all these.. i'll pray hard.. i rellie do..





i opened my diary again. and i juz read it.All the wonderful memories came back to me..All the tiny details dat had happened.The date, the time and everything.It all came back to me.im satisfied.dat at least i still hav this book to accompany me thru the nite.my diary is much more precious and personal den my blog..it reveals my true feelings.wen im happie or sad..i still rem the day we met..wad happened..or did.it was written clearly in it.All my feelings.. The feelings dat i kept away from the world, from everyone else, even pingz. No one knows..i tell it to my diary wen i feel lik it.It knows me best.b'cos of this diary, i din communicate wif ppl well enough..wenever i hav troubles, i write it down.Y? bcause some1 once told me, if u tell others ur problems, the person would hav one more thing to worry bout.So, if i tell it to my diary, no one else would hav extra problems to think and i would hav let out my tots..This is wad i've alwiz perceived.. And all along i tot its correct.. Its right not to trouble anyone else wif my troubles. i'll get by wif it wif my diary..But this time, i know its wrong. Its wrong to bottled up all my feelings..But im aredi used to telling it to my diary..i feel awkward to let a human know.A human wif life and breathing.. Im sorry i nv told u this..that's y u hate me..i din wan to make u hate me..wadever i say would b wrong..useless now..i can oni give u my apologies..for being a mental pressure all along..It sudn b this way.. i learnt alot wen i read my diary.. alot alot..this is yet another experience for me i guess.. a painful experience.. one dat i regret.. well well.. i guess all my frens r asleep now, dere's sch tmr! Dun b late! i miss u guys dearly, ur wont c me tmr yet i think..i cant imagine myself back dere, i dun hav the courage to and i dun hav the courage to face u.. i know i'll avoid u..i owe u too much,but i wanna take pics wif 04A51.. promise me, u'll nv forget me... i Love 04A51 !! the rawkiest cheena ArTz class eva in sajc..



true love hurts, if it doesn, it isn love anymore..





it feels good to b human again.*gRInZ and im goin to get back on my feet to start a new life all over again. pursuing wad i want and live my life to the fullest. giving my best in everything dat im gonna do.im glad i still hav my bunch of special frens, and dats u guys.. Pingz,laiz, amy, jackie,kok hsien, dal dal.. u're all my special frens u know. nv fails to care for me and gimme hugs and encouragement wen im feeling down.and oso BOO of cos. thanks for the late night's accompanyment.
This is for rich.
Even thou our r/s fails, im still grateful dat i've gotten something else.i learnt not to hurt others lik i did to u, and to learn to communicate beter wif ppl now, and for all the past love dat u've showered me wif, thanks alot!dere's alwiz an end to nice thing. And i know god is thinking of giving u someone better.Im happie for now dat once, we crossed each other's paths and made dat tiny short moments of our lifes memorable.(er, for me lah, i dunno for ur case).Hope dat u'll stay happie alwiz, and dun ever forget me oh? muackz.

And this is for my dearest frens..
I LOVE U GUYS. u guys rawks my life. i bet u din know.if not for u guys, my life wouldn b wad it is today. Thou we study in different educational institues, but our minds are always linked rite? and we'll celebrate Mid autumn every yr ok??i relie miss u guys. and we met juz a 1 day ago oni lahz. haha.All of ur cannot forget me hor!if not i'll feel so sad. And sms me lah. im very bored leh. free incoming oso no one call.. super sad de leh. next time dun call my hse le oh.Next time sneak into poly lah? can pei me and dal dal lehz.haha..anyway, sorry if i neglect any of u in the past few months.. i din mean to do so. too involved in r/s le mah. forgive me lah.. okok? i know u guys aren so petty de..i promise to get u guys prezzies wen i go thailand k? But i wont b able tocelebrate V'day wif ur le. ur all got date huh? pity me.. but i get to celebrate it wif my papa, mama, and sisters! Dun b jealous.anyway i rellie love u guys.. din we say we'll live tog e mah?forget le oh?hmm anyway, juz wanna let u guys know dat, we'll alwiz b dere for one another de, no matter wad happens, we'll b united.. muackz..





this is the dunno how many times i've been blogging today.. Today is blogging day.i cant slp thou pingz pingz ask me to.. i've tried hard to.perhaps i rellie need sleeping pills. i wondered how i slept yest.probably i cried too hard and i was too tired.Had a nightmare.. a bad one. in it dere are many ppl. including pingz, jie sung, william Tan, timo, rich..wow. wad a dream wif so many ppl. Fancy meeting all my exs dere.. wow.and i'll rem this word. I've forgotten all bout u. this is wad some 1 told me in my dream.. i couldn sleep anymore. i had to wake up.I had to. Im waiting for the day my heart stops beating..i rellie dunno wad else to blog. i cant type it out, dat kind of feelings. mayb u kill me, it'll b beta.





Dear diary, now, u're the onli one i can talk to. No one helps. Its still raining heavily. From the time i slept. 2 miserable hours, till the time struck dat i woke up.i stayed in my bed for hours, looking at my surroundings.. it all looked so unfamiliar, so unfriendly..And dere's mist everywhere.im crying in my heart.No one knows y.. i juz cried..agin and agin. i din know where the tears came from. they juz rolled down to my cheeks..Juz like the rain. thay nv fails to stop. Wad m i supposed to do? i juz wished the rain would drown me, so dat i'll perish from the earth.. from all the wounds inflicted on me.. Now im no longer concern.. i juz want to know how to carry on wif life?How? i cant do anything..i din hav the strength..i cant rely on anyone else..i only need u.. But u wont b dere for me anymore.No longer dere..I duno how to find a replacement. I think its impossible yet..u made me think of everything, from the sweetest moment to the worst scenario.For all, it shall now come to naught. And i shall cont lik this.. Till i find the strength to stand up.And i hope it would b you.





i dint know i'll know u,
and now dat i know u, i dint know i'll hav like u,
and now dat i like u, i dint know i'll hav love u,
and now dat i love u, i dint know i'll hav miss u,
and now dat i miss u, i dint know i'll hav lost u...





i still cant slp. some things i cant write in here.i rellie wan to blog, but i cant.its not possible anymore. i need time. pingz is not dere for me to hug right now.i got so many things to say. i rellie wanna cry it all out now.No one is dere.im rellie sad.nv felt lik this b4.shivering in my tears. no one is dere anymore. No one would.





today.1st of jan is the first time in my life i know wad it means by a break up. often, to me. i dun hav any feelings. and now. im hugging my bloster. its all wet. from my crying. im still crying.my hands are cold.im sorry for the previous guys i've hurt. i've gotten my retribution. i dunno y. All my previous days of dreams.. they're fake. untrue! i hate myself.i rellie hate myself..i hate u, katherine Lee.





My tears jus rolled down my cheek,
i just crawl up in the corner and hide.
I wish they could see the sadness coming from me.
You take away my love and give me pain,
i wish you would return back. As my tears keep flowing.
You held me in your arms like you loved me,
You looked me in the eyes like you cared,
You Kissed me like you wanted me,
You huged me like you missed me, but that all went away with one goodbye.
Thank you for the love,the love that was never there.
Thank you for the memories,the memories we ever shared.
Thank you for the truth,the truth you ever told,
For all the hurt,were the things that made me cry.
And I really want to thank youfor loving me.
Because you taught me an important lesson,that I could ever get it.
I remember the day,when we said our last goodbye.
I remember the day,when you told me not to cry.
I remember the day when you left,like it was today.
I remember the day,and the day that I will be waiting.

bold italics underline



please.



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